you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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