Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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