I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Congratulations! We have a period
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