Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
