This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
