just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
