it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
