My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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