Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
