problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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