just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Then you guys just all showered together...?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
