I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
