I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
