just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize