Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
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I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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