I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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