He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
