There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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