Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
