Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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