Will you blow on my dice?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
