i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
