I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
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The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
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I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.