have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool