Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?