So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.