She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.