Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.