i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
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Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.