She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT