Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?