Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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