Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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