I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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