Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
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At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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