I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
