My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
