people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
