I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize