The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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