I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
