I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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