I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
