will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
