Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
