I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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