I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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