trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
