So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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