just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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