I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
