never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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