I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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