I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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