i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
