Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
