I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
