He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
