kristin has been a bad kristin
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
