so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
