took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
