he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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