Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
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I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
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I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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