Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
