I have demons in me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
