i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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