I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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