During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
