the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
