hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
