Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
