if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize