Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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