Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
