Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
