Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
