READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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