also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
