Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
