I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
