It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
