o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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