Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
