i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
