He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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