dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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