Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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