He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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